We're a Bidet Household Now, and It Only Took Three Days and Calling my Dad for Help

I started writing a whole spiel about gastrointestinal issues and healthcare and toilet paper (both usage and shortages) and BUTTS and then I realized, you don’t need to know ANY of that. Here’s what you need to know: I’ve been in the market for a bidet for some time.

I have a Toto toilet, which I have learned some people use as shorthand for a Japanese toilet that has a heated seat and will wash your butt and sing you a lullaby. But Toto also makes normie toilets. I have one. It’s the nicest toilet I’ve ever had, but it doesn’t really do anything different than any other toilet you’d find in the US. Toto makes regular toilets, but they also make washlets, which are the fancy Japanese toilets that do all kinds of wizardry. The nice thing about having a Toto toilet (boring edition) is that I can easily add a washlet to transform my terlet into a toilette. (You can add a Toto washlet to non-Toto toilets as well, but having a Toto already makes the process a little smoother and the end result more streamlined.) Toto washlets are awesome, they do all kinds of things, but they also cost hundreds, and possibly thousands, of dollars. They need to be plugged into a wall outlet, and they are bulky. It’s just… a lot. I got overwhelmed, so I kept thinking about a bidet and never actually getting one. Then I realised I could get a transitional bidet, as it were, and that’s why I got a Tushy.

This is from the Tushy website. I never took a photo at this stage, for reasons that will become clear later

The Classic Tushy Bidet 3.0 costs about $100 (Google a coupon code - I got 10% off), and it will work on just about any toilet. It’s super lightweight and simple - so much so that when I opened the box I got a sudden feeling that this couldn’t possibly work. But not only does it work, it’s a fantastic addition to my bathroom/toilet/life.

There’s a also a Tushy Spa 3.0, which has a warm water option, but the warm water comes from your sink, and my sink doesn’t have hot water on demand. (There are tips on how to use the Tushy Spa if your water takes awhile to warm up, but when I say it takes a long time for warm water to reach my sink, I’m talking about a LONG time. Easily 5 minutes.) I also wasn’t super interested in having another hose going to my sink, plus my sink is on the right of the toilet, but the bidet is on the left, and I felt like my toilet was going to end up looking like Doc Ock. A Toto Washlet also has heated water (and a heated seat!) but the washlet itself has a heater - it needs to be plugged in, but I have an outlet right above my toilet.

Everything in this photo - apart from the toilet itself - is brand new. AND inside the tank, there’s a brand new flush valve! This was NOT the project I planned for.

The Tushy is great, I love it, I wish I had gotten it sooner, but there’s one part I can’t review - installation. Everywhere you look, it says the Tushy installs in less than 10 minutes. I was all set to install it myself, I read the directions, I watched some YouTube videos, but it ended up taking three days AND I had to call my dad and have him come help, AND half my toilet parts needed replacing. This is most likely not somehing that will happen to you, it was a very specific set of circumstances, and I highly doubt you’ll go from wanting a lil’ bidet to having a ship of Theseus for a toilet.

After the ordeal of multiple trips to the hardware store, calling my dad, trying and failing and giving up a few times, and eventually having my dad come and just do it all himself, including replacing most of my toilet’s parts, I had my bidet. It’s super easy to use and very low-profile. The water is ICY, but you know what? It makes me feel alive.

Maybe eventually I’ll upgrade to a Toto Washlet, but for right now I’m perfectly happy with my Tushy. Plus, I’m in no mood to mess around with plumbing again any time soon.