I really like wearing dresses. Not because I’m a girly girl or some sort of proper lady. No, I just think dresses are super comfortable. Remember my post about Calvin Klein yoga pants? When I mentioned that dresses are my sweatpants? Well, I said it, and it’s true. In the summer I basically live in dresses and skirts. When the weather gets a little cooler, I add a pair of tights into the mix.
Sidebar: Can we take a minute to talk about low-rise tights? I’ve come across them a few times and each time I shake my fist at the heavens and say, “Sweet fancy Moses, what fucking idiot came up with those?” Low rise tights are the dumbest things I’ve ever heard of. I tried a pair once and it was such a disaster. I was instantly overcome with hatred for my own body, until I realized it wasn’t me, it was the tights, and I promptly threw them in the trash. I’m not saying you need to get control top, up to your armpits tights. I’m saying the best thing about tights is that they cover your love handles and suck everything in without making you look like an over-stuffed sausage. And we should respect that.
Okay. Sidebar over. I have tried many a tight, and my favorites are by Spanx. Of course, right? Spanx are pretty much the greatest things on the planet. Unfortch, a pair of Spanx tights will run you about $26. And that’s the base price. Get high-waisted or reversible and you’ll have to pony up even more. This is all well and good, and I do own a few pairs of Spanx tights myself, but I live life hard, or something, because I go through tights like nobody’s business.
I have a dog that likes to walk all over me, and even if I diligently try to keep him away from my tight-ed legs, I always seem to get a fuzzy spot. You know when you’re wearing a swimsuit and you sit on the concrete by the side of the pool and the butt gets all… fuzzy? It’s like that, but in the middle of my calf. And it happens over and over. So I stopped buying Spanx tights. But, lucky for me, there’s a cheaper version of Spanx, from the woman that blessed us with Spanx, and you can get them at Target.
ASSETS is the Marc by Marc Jacobs to Spanx’s Marc Jacobs. Or whatever. You know what I mean. They’re cheaper. A pair of ASSETS tights are just $14, and they have the same amazing fit as Spanx. They do feel like a lower quality than Spanx (because they are), but they’re still better than most of the tights out there. If you’re looking for purple tights, you’re going to have to look elsewhere – ASSETS tights only come in black, brown, and a few patterns. But if you just need a basic pair of brown tights (I’m constantly replacing my brown tights), these are a great option. Pick up a pair when you’re at Target buying toilet paper and shampoo. You’ve got nothing to lose but your muffin top.